


New Intel

by hollowmagic



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Antisocial Sniper (Team Fortress 2), Battlefield, Childish Pyro (Team Fortress 2), Dad Engineer (Team Fortress 2), Friendship, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Humor, Smart Soldier (Team Fortress 2), kinda smart but not full intellect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25697650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowmagic/pseuds/hollowmagic
Summary: Sniper discovers something new about Soldier.
Relationships: Sniper/Soldier (Team Fortress 2), Soldier & Sniper (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 67





	New Intel

**Author's Note:**

> Me avoiding to continue my previous story for a few weeks only to come back in a new fandom...
> 
> Oh well, what are you gonna do? I’ll get back to it someday!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> UPDATE: This story got a comic! Credit goes to xarrior, they did a very spectacular job on it! Link here —>
> 
> https://xarrior.tumblr.com/post/628445343163498496/xarrior-check-the-reblogs-for-a-link-to-the
> 
> Having a comic made out of something I wrote is like a dream come true. Thanks, xarrior!

To put it lightheartedly, Soldier’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.

To put it bluntly, he’s stupid.

But more than that, he’s loud, loud and vicious and batshit crazy if he wants to be. Sniper assumes Scout has a deathwish. Pissing off the older male all the time can’t be good for the heart, especially since Sniper got to personally witness Soldier chomp off an enemy Spy’s finger — spouting some crap about French hippies and adding the pinky finger to his _‘collection.’_

Sniper doesn’t even want to know what the fuck that means.

The guy isn’t right in the head. That’s all there is to it. Violence seems to be his only source of motivation, resorting to it when something doesn’t coincide with him, which leads to Scout being his personal punching bag. Nobody but Heavy has been able to subdue Soldier while he’s at it. It’s like that dumbass dome on his head is the one thing shielding him from common sense. Sniper’s never seen the face beneath it, and frankly, he really doesn’t give a shit.

But even Soldier knows when to keep his silence at times. Especially if _Pyro_ is in the same room. He’ll lower his head whenever the creature passes by, ignoring the cheerful giggle it’ll give him. Never looks it in the eyes.

Though in the times off the battlefield, Soldier can actually be surprisingly civil. He even offers to help Engineer with his buildings, which is always politely declined, because who the hell knows what could happen if he got his hands on the junk? The Texan suggested he see what Medic’s up to, leading to the doctor’s angry German nonsense later that night about some, _“Dummkopf destroying my research!!”_

The Australian won’t admit to finding Engineer's little prank amusing.

Then, there are other times when Sniper can see a genuine _human_ in Soldier, crazy as it sounds. Occasionally Engineer would treat the team to an outdoor barbecue, supplying them with plenty of beer to go around and food roasted from the grill he crafted out of scrap and metal. Soldier would laugh his ass off in a drunken state with Demoman, wild stories about war falling out of his mouth like anecdotes of childhood. The details seem to change each time, however.

Sniper has kept it to himself up to this point, but… sometimes, if he scoured the depths of his heart, he’d find that Soldier referring to him as ‘son’ puts him at ease. A strange emotion to rise at a simple nickname, since it’s also used for Scout at the rarest of times, but it’s not like Sniper has a father who is _proud_ of him, who accepts him no matter what occupation he holds.

Crazy how his mind convinces him that the same man could sink his teeth into someone’s leg and tear it off if he tried hard enough. Like some feral raccoon.

Still… it’s nice to hear it every now and then. Son.

Although Sniper has few interactions with the American that come to mind. Simple exchanges like ‘thank yous’ and the warnings of a sentry being located, but nothing like a deep conversation with each other about life. Hell, the Australian barely has any memories of speaking to anyone here… 

Yet one day, while hard at work on the Swiftwater’s company plantation, Sniper’s post was visited by none other than the patriot himself. Nearly scared the life out of him, suddenly rocket jumping up here and landing with a thunderous _BAM._

Glaring, Sniper lowers his scope to see what the hell the psycho wants. “Bloody hell, mate, what are ya doin’ up here?”

And with a straight face Soldier replies, “Resting, my fellow American! I have killed everybody on the front lines! Engie said to go somewhere else and not get this anywhere near his sentry!” He gestures to the large rocket launcher now resting against the wall.

“Right…” the Australian sneers. The look of suspicion and contempt remains. Of all places, he decided to come _here?_ Honestly…

Sniper picks off a few more enemies, one being a Heavy threatening the aforementioned Sentry nest. He chuckles, seeing the dumbfounded and frightened expression of a Scout who witnessed his Pyro getting a bullet between the eyes right in front of him.

All is going as normal. Or at least it _should_ be. Yet the lingering presence of Soldier standing there out in the open like that really itches Sniper. He sits back and lights a cigar for a quick puff, the light distracting him like it distracts Pyro for a brief moment before he turns his eyes back to the intruder. He quirks a brow, watching as Soldier seems to be attempting to count on his fingers and getting stumped on number three.

“Mate, what are ya doin’?”

Head turned to the ground, eyes hidden in the shadows of that bucket helmet, Soldier doesn’t respond immediately. He’d rather find out what number comes after two before giving Sniper his response. When he does, a big grin cracks at his face.

“Finding out where I shall be striking next!”

Sniper deadpans, “By countin’.”

“No!” the American thrusts his large fingers into the Australian’s face, making sure to be clear in what point he’s trying to make. Sniper merely recoils. He doesn’t want those hands _anywhere_ near his face, let alone his neck. “Figuring out the timing and trajectory!”

…

Blinking rapidly, the words of Soldier settle in Sniper’s brain. The slightest confusion hit him in that exact moment. “Trajectory…”

“Affirmative! Rocket jumping is no easy sport, _‘mate’!_ Timing is crucial and trajectory can be life or death!”

For the intelligence of an illiterate someone like Soldier, those words are incredibly impressive.

But, wait, that means…

“Look here, _Cupcake,”_ the American grunts out, grabbing Sniper and pulling him over to show him exactly what he’s talking about, although he ends up violently dragging the poor sap by the collar. “If you shoot a rocket at a certain angle, you should be able to reach that wall and ricochet with _another_ rocket and _crack their skulls in!!”_

Sniper was beginning to question whether this was their Soldier or a Spy’s incredible impersonation, yet the proud, patriotic grin stretched across the man’s face is something not even a two-faced snake could imitate. Astonished, the Australian tries to reiterate exactly what the other said, the simple explanation sounding like rocket science in Soldier’s voice.

Trajectory, angles, ricochet?

As Engineer would put it, what in Sam Hill is goin’ on? When or where did he learn those words? 

“Attack from above!” Soldier states. “The hippies won’t know what hit them!”

“Ya put _thought_ into rocket jumpin’?”

He hadn’t meant to ask it aloud, but now he’s already here. Sniper situates himself back in his earlier cove before Soldier yanked him out of it.

“Of course I do! Blindly jumping into a man’s war without a plan is nothing but a deathwish! The art of war is nothing to be taken lightly, private! That’s what Sun Tzu always said!”

Who the hell is Sun Tzu?

“Right, right…” Huh… Soldier actually has some sort of knowledge in that head of his, evidently. Slightly bewildered, Sniper realizes that he must at least have some common sense in there. For him to be able to discuss this with the intention of murder, he won’t take that into account. “Hell, I hadn’t thought ya one for algebra…”

…

“Al…” the broken word slurs off his tongue like a foreign language, “ge… brah? What’s that, private?”

Oh, come _on…_

There’s just no _way…_

Sniper can’t believe his ears, or his eyes, seeing Soldier’s face contorted into pure, raw _confusion._ As if he’s never even _heard_ the term _‘algebra’_ before. That’s what he’s using, yet he has no idea. What kind of mental math…?

“Mate… never mind. Forget I said anythin’. Just a bit unexpected that ya ain’t a bludger when it comes to it.”

“I bludgeon people _every day!”_

“Not what I meant. What are ya gonna do now?”

As if it were a feather, Soldier heaves his rocket launcher from the wall and onto his shoulder. A haughty grunt of a laugh escapes him as he says, “Now I wait.”

“Wait for wh—”

And just like the telltale cue, out of nowhere a bullet rips through the air like Medic’s bonesaw, landing right into Soldier’s left abdomen. It startles them both, Sniper jolting and Soldier hunching over in pain with a loud groan. Yet his realization becomes sharp as he then grins wider than before, using his thumb to lift up the hilt of his helmet to reveal two blue American eyes to the Australian.

“For the next hippie _ready to die!!_ Get back to you later, son!”

Off he goes, firing a rocket at the wall behind him to propel him forward. From his cove Sniper observes how the man then flies across the sky to the wall, almost ricocheting off of it as he then whacks the life out of an enemy Scout, booming, _“MAGGOTS!!”_ Soldier’s plan had worked. The trajectory and angle played out in his favor.

…

_“Get back to you later, son!”_

…

Sniper can now truthfully admit he’s been impressed by the American. Underneath that helmet and underneath all that bloodlust, brute force, and dumbassery lies a strength of his. Rocket jumping. Who would have guessed…

And, again, with that nickname…

…

Through his scope Sniper notices a Spy quickly catching up on Soldier’s tail. Without hesitation he picks him off like a bug, and Soldier winces at the sudden shriek of the fallen Frenchman. He turns, noticing the body, then delivers a jovial thumbs-up to Sniper at his post.

And Sniper read the message like a book.

_“Nice work, son!!”_

…

Whether it be the nickname, convenient small talk, or Soldier’s secret smarts, Sniper will never be able to trace his steps to when the bond between him and the jingoistic man began. Not even mental math can solve this.

Who would have thought?

**Author's Note:**

> hmm
> 
> Einstein soldier


End file.
